my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
