so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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