cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
