hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
