What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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