You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
