Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
