i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
