Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
