I want to make a zoo with you.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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