after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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