So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
