Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
