So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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