Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
