i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
