We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
