What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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