Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
