As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
