***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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