Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
