When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
