doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
