You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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