I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We are all done wearing pants today
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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