I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
