i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
