It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
