Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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