we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
