last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
