i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
