SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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