I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
