Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
