I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
