I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
