And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
