this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
