It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
