im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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