Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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