i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
