That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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