Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
