Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
