So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
