i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
