U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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