i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
