Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
PS: I just woke up from my shower
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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